A Conversational Pleasantry
SOME wit of old—such wits of old there were,
Whose hints showed meaning, whose allusions care—
By one brave stroke to mark all human kind,
Called clear, blank paper every infant mind:
Where still, as opening sense her dictates wrote,
Fair virtue put a seal, or vice a blot.
The thought was happy, pertinent, and...
For the Tombstone Erected over the Marquis of Anglesea’s Leg, Lost at Waterloo
HERE rests, and let no saucy knave
Presume to sneer and laugh,
To learn that moldering in the grave
Is laid a British Calf.
For he who writes these lines is sure,
That those who read the whole
Will find such laugh was premature,
For here, too...
From “This Is It”
RUDOLPH, professor of the headsman’s trade,
Alike was famous for his arm and blade.
One day a prisoner Justice had to kill
Knelt at the block to test the artist’s skill.
Bare-armed, swart-visaged, gaunt, and shaggy-browed,
Rudolph the headsman rose above the crowd.
His falchion lightened with a sudden gleam,
As...
WHENE’ER with haggard eyes I view
This dungeon that I ’m rotting in,
I think of those companions true
Who studied with me at the U-
niversity of Gottingen,
niversity of Gottingen.
[Weeps and pulls out a blue kerchief, with which he wipes his eyes; gazing tenderly at it, he proceeds:]
Sweet...
There were three sailors of Bristol City
Who took a boat and went to sea,
But first with beef and captain’s biscuits
And pickled pork they loaded she.
There was gorging Jack, and guzzling Jimmy,
And the youngster he was little Billee;
Now when they ’d got as far as the Equator,
They ’d nothing left but one split pea.
...
OF 1 all the ships upon the blue,
No ship contained a better crew
Than that of worthy Captain Reece,
Commanding of The Mantelpiece.
He was adored by all his men,
For worthy Captain Reece, R. N.,
Did all that lay within him to
Promote the comfort of his crew.
If ever they were dull or sad,
Their captain danced to them...
From “The Bab Ballads”
’T WAS on the shores that round our coast
From Deal to Ramsgate span,
That I found alone, on a piece of stone,
An elderly naval man.
His hair was weedy, his beard was long,
And weedy and long was he;
And I heard this wight on the shore recite,
In a singular minor key:—
“O, I am a...
How hard, when those who do not wish
To lend, thus lose, their books,
Are snared by anglers—folks that fish
With literary hooks—
Who call and take some favorite tome,
But never read it through;
They thus complete their set at home
By making one at you.
I, of my “Spenser” quite bereft,
Last winter sore was...
My curse upon thy venomed stang,
That shoots my tortured gums alang;
An’ through my lugs gies mony a twang,
Wi’ gnawing vengeance!
Tearing my nerves wi’ bitter pang,
Like racking engines.
When fevers burn, or ague freezes,
Rheumatics gnaw, or cholic squeezes;
Our neighbor’s sympathy may ease us,
...
By a Miserable Wretch
ROLL on, thou ball, roll on!
Through pathless realms of space
Roll on!
What though I ’m in a sorry case?
What though I cannot meet my bills?
What though I suffer toothache’s ills?
What though I swallow countless pills?
Never you mind!
Roll on!
Roll on, thou ball, roll on!...
