I Reside at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James: I am not up to small deceit or any sinful games; And I ’ll tell in simple language what I know about the row That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow. But first I would remark, that ’t is not a proper plan For any scientific gent to whale his fellow-man; And, if a member don’t agree with his peculiar whim, To lay for that same member for to “put a head” on him. Now, nothing could be finer, or more beautiful to see, Than the first six months’ proceedings of that same society; Till Brown of Calaveras brought a lot of fossil bones That he found within a tunnel near the tenement of Jones. Then Brown he read a paper, and he reconstructed there, From those same bones, an animal that was extremely rare; And Jones then asked the Chair for a suspension of the rules, Till he could prove that those same bones was one of his lost mules. Then Brown he smiled a bitter smile, and said he was at fault; It seemed he had been trespassing on Jones’s family vault; He was a most sarcastic man this quiet Mr. Brown, And on several occasions he had cleaned out the town. Now I hold it is not decent for a scientific gent To say another is an ass,—at least, to all intent; Nor should the individual who happens to be meant Reply by heaving rocks at him to any great extent. Then Abner Dean of Angel’s raised a point of order, when A chunk of old red sandstone took him in the abdomen; And he smiled a kind of sickly smile, and curled upon the floor, And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more. For in less time than I write it, every member did engage In a warfare with the remnants of a palæozoic age; And the way they heaved those fossils in their anger was a sin, Till the skull of an old mammoth caved the head of Thompson in. And this is all I have to say of these improper games, For I live at Table Mountain and my name is Truthful James, And I ’ve told in simple language what I know about the row That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow.
The Society upon the Stanislaus
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